Why I am Going…Again!

I’ve been back in America for about 2 months now and am in the process of fundraising and preparing to go serve as an intern at the Adventures in Missions base in Cambodia. As I have seen friends and family and gotten to share about my experience on the World Race, I am often asked, “What’s next?” As I begin to share that I am planning to go spend 3 months in Cambodia, I am met with many different responses and further questions like: “11 months wasn’t enough?” “When will you settle down?” “How will you make money?”

And if I am being honest, these questions are scary questions because I do not totally know the answers. I often try to answer with a smile and an optimistic answer about how I am following the Lord and trust Him! And while that is completely true, there is also pain in the joy of following Christ. I often like to focus on the bright and joyful aspects. But when I count the cost of following Christ and living this life on mission for Him, I must look at both sides and be honest with myself and others. So here it is, a vulnerable confession with pain and joy mixed in as I reflect on why I am going back out on the mission field.

The word burden has been a word I have been wrestling with lately. One definition for the word burden is, “A load, typically a heavy one.” When I read scripture, I feel a heavy load on my heart to share the gospel with the lost and broken around the world. A desire to see the sick healed and sinners of every tribe and tongue to repent and turn to Jesus. When Jesus says, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field” (Luke 10:2), I get this feeling that I am one of the workers supposed to go harvest the fields.

I have questioned God on why I feel such a heavy burden for the nations. I can look around when I am surrounded by brothers and sisters in Christ and feel so alone in feeling the weight of that burden. As I ask for financial partnerships to be able to go, I have been ignored and kindly told no. Every day on social media I see more of my peers getting promotions at work, getting married, buying homes of their own, and having kids. All this while I am living at home and sleeping in a comfy bed, eating familiar foods, able to to understand everyone around me, and getting to enjoy the comforts of America can lead to a desire creeping up to just settle down with a job in America.

On the other end, the Holy Spirit has comforted me and encouraged me through scripture, worship songs, and other people each day. I have a supportive family who has welcomed me home and is being intentional in enjoying the time they do have with me in the states. There are many friends and family members who have generously donated to my trip to help make it possible for me to go. A random lady in a coffee shop stopped to pray for me. And conversations with my squadmates and other brothers and sisters in Christ that remind me that I am not alone in feeling a burden for the nations.

I have been reading through Luke recently and have been constantly reminded that there is a very real cost to following Jesus. But that He is worth the cost! Jesus says, “Whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For is you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees is will ridicule you, saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’…In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples” (Luke 14:27-30, 33).

I could go on and share more about both the pain and the joy that I experienced last year while on the World Race and that I have experienced since being home and preparing to go back out. I can’t ignore the knock I feel on my heart to go into the nations for the sake of the gospel. I am thankful for Jesus’ honest teachings that explain that there is a very real cost to following Him. I have sat down, prayed, assessed the situation, and still believe wholeheartedly that Jesus is worthy of my whole life. In the end I have come to realize that maybe the burden I feel is actually an honor and is the weight of me picking up and carrying my cross. So, that is why I am going back out. This time to Cambodia, and only the Lord knows what adventures will follow!

In conclusion, I want to thank this who have partnered with me prayerfully and financially. I certainly cannot make this journey happen alone! I need both financial and prayer support! If you feel led, you can partner with me financially by clicking support and donating on my page!

Thanks for reading!

Love,

Nan